Motherhood is not easy...no one ever said it would be...but I had my doubts. I thought my OCD organization skills and that indescribable love for your baby that you hear about would carry me through and make my experience 'different'...not exactly. I could go on, but that's not what I'm here for tonight.
Tonight I'm here to try to accept the reality that my grandpa is gone...gone from me, but home with his heavenly father. I couldn't help but think yesterday that heaven is a little warmer now that I know that Papa is there waiting for me. Not that the whole pearly gate thing isn't sufficient, or the love of our Savior doesn't measure up - but the truth of the matter is that I haven't met Him yet. I haven't gotten a big bear hug from Him and He hasn't made me rhosti, so as deeply as I love the Lord, I still can't describe the warmth I feel when I think of a heaven with Papa.
I know the angels rejoiced when he showed up! I can just hear him playing his accordion singing those old Swiss tunes...das hut it hat drei ecke...his deep voice floating through the heavens...ahh, that voice. I know he's baking his breads and pastries and topping off everyone's glass, leading the celebration of the ultimate homecoming!
When I was there a few weeks ago he told Finley that she wouldn't remember him, but that I would tell her all about him. He's right. He has left a legacy and a place in my heart that I will tell her all about...both good and bad, right Pops?! I know Papa, be sweet, be sweet...that was his favorite advice to give me - which I often had to turn right back on him. Let's just say, like his granddaughter, he was a little out-spoken at times - but that was just Papa - and if you didn't return his email in at least a day then he knew he was in trouble...
Here is Papa on his first and last visit with his great-granddaughter, named in his honor for the never-ending love and support that he showed me.
October 30, 2009. He gives and takes away...
1 comment:
thanks Sara
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